The Twelve Days of TOS xmas
by brandy mallory
Summary: Just some random xmas fic I threw together, nothing special. No real pairings or anything. Enjoy!
1. A Renagade in a Palm Tree

**((A/N:** Hey! I'm sorry for not updating anything! I really am! I want to, but I've got writers block.. for the last 2 months... But I had the sudden urge to write an x-mas fic! Hopefully I'll actually finish all 12 chapters on time, but if not…. Oh well. This first chapter really... sucks. The next one will be TONS better, i promise! And longer! Please don't hurt me...

**disclaimer:** I do not own Tales of Symphonia or anything else.))

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It was Christmas time in the Tales of Symphonia house hold. Presents were heaped in a pile under the tree. Family and friends had thrown all their jackets on Yuan's bed and Zelos was so wasted on eggnog he couldn't see the difference between socks and wine glasses.

Kratos was back from outer space, (I pause here to let you all sing the line from I will Survive "And now you're back! From outer space! I just walked into to see you there with-" you get the point) and Mithos had been life bottled on the promise he wouldn't try to kill anyone.

Holly was stung, stockings were hung and Sheena had burnt all the mistletoe in an act of being horribly mean to the redheaded ex-chosen. Yes it was a wonderful time of the year for a party, and since the world had been saved and everyone was living that happily ever after (that we all know would only last a hundred years or so before the next disaster struck and by that time only six of the heroic nine would probably be alive, that is if the ones with Cruxis Crystals kept them on and used the life prolonging benefit).

The crew had come to the now empty Flanoir Renegade base, seeing as it was the only place big enough to house them all in a winter atmosphere. Yuan was none to happy about this, since it meant having to house a bunch of rowdy teens for twelve days. But Kratos had bribed him with a year's supply of hair conditioner, so at least his hair would be silky smooth.

Let the twelve days begin!

_**On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a Renegade in a palm tree. **_

"Raine? Have you seen my wooden swords?"

"No Lloyd. I don't keep track of your old weaponry. Are you sure they didn't get donated to that new Obsessed About Lloyd Museum?" Raine stared at her book, paying no real attention to the boy, who was tearing apart the store room around her.

"No, I made sure to keep them in case I needed them, like right now!"

"And why do you need them?" Raine asked with a sigh, knowing very well the answer would be part of some idiotic plan.

"Me and Genis want to smash open the piñata we made. You know, in the name of Christmas spirit?"

"Where the hell did you guys get the talent to make a piñata?"

"Well, we found Zelos passed out on the stairs, so he covered him in tissue paper and hung him from the living room rafters."

Raine held out her staff, "Here take this."

The dumb one grinned idiotically and grabbed it, running back downstairs.

The half-elf sighed, "All I want for Christmas is some peace and quiet, but nooooo, I get dragged to a two week 'holiday'" She made air quotations, proving that she was indeed quite crazy, sitting in a storage room talking to herself, "With a bunch of insane people, that are so loud and stupid I'm forced to hide in a stupid closet!"

"Join the club."

Raine spun to look into the darkness, trying to find the voice, "Huh?"

A ball of electricity lit up the room, reveling the voice to be…

"Yuan? Why are you hiding here?"

"I always hide here."

"In a palm tree?"

Yes indeed, Yuan was sitting in a fake plastic palm tree reading a dirty romance novel titled 'Hung like Holly', the cover of the said book depicting a Santa clad women draped over a shirtless and very well tanned man.

"Well… umm…" The bluenette looked around nervously.

"Awkward…"

"So…"

"Yeah…"

"The author's really skimping on our dialog isn't she?"

Raine frowned, "Yeah, usually she has some implied joke about the fact we're both in the closet."

"And that I'm reading a dirty girl book."

"And you're in a palm tree, thus referring to the title of the chapter."

"Wanna make out?"

"With you? Hell no!" Raine stormed out of the room, fuming.

"Finally, peace and quiet." Yuan reopened his book, "Oh Holly, why can't you see that Fernandez loves you?"

There was a random snapping sound, "Uh oh, that doesn't sound good…" The branch he'd been sitting on broke and he tumbled on to the hard cement floor.

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((Wow, what a crappy ending… oh well, 11 chapters left. Hope you stay tuned in! Oh and here are your reading presents! –hands out Zelos shaped candy canes- ))


	2. Two Ditzy Chosen's

((A/N: Omg! Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews! I'm glad you enjoyed it! So here is my next chapter! Truthfully I should be doing my English work… . . -shifty eyes- Got to love laptops, I can do my fics anywhere! So anyway, has anyone read Obasan By Joy Kogawa? I need to do a novel project on it and I have NO CLUE what's going on! Ahh! I am so screwed. This chapter sucks as well…

Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia

Oh, and in case I forget to say it again, everyone is pretty OOC… enjoy!))

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It was the second day of the twelve days Kratos was now calling 'the horrible payback for missing my sons last sixteen or so Christmas'' and things really hadn't gotten much better. All of Yuan's cooks were refusing to work until they got a pay raise and the maids had all charged sexual harassment on Zelos. Leaving the poor Renegade leader with no staff and way too much to do. Luckily he had a back up plan.

Slave labor!

_On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, _

_Two Ditzy Chosen's,_

_And a Renegade in a Palm tree!_

"WHAT?" Lloyd shouted as he looked at the sheet Yuan had posted on the bottom of the main staircase, "Toilet cleaning?"

Yes indeed, the Hero of The Worlds had toilet cleaning duty for the day. Take in a moment to take in the cruel irony of this moment. Lloyd, always cleaning up other peoples messes. It was even more ironic, considering Mithos had had the large spicy taco platter supreme the night before.

The teens huddled around each other, reading of their assigned tasks.

"Dusting?" Sheena pouted, "I hate dusting!"

Zelos had a sudden image of the ninja in a very revealing French Maid outfit. Of course, Sheena slapped him for it.

"Hey! I didn't even say anything!"

"It's the thought that counts."

Zelos sighed dramatically and looked at the sheet, "Baking, that can't be that hard…"

"Yeah, but look at who's supposed to be helping you," Genis pointed out.

"Damn it!"

Colette ran up and hugged Zelos, "Yay! We get to be kitchen buddies!"

"Ack! Colette, while I like having you on top of me, I can't breathe!"

Colette let him go and Sheena slapped him once again.

"Ouch, that wasn't even directed at you!"

"But it felt good."

Zelos grumbled and the two ex-chosen's made their way to the kitchens.

Presea stood on her tippy toes, "Hey guys, what's vac-coming?"

**In the Kitchen**

Yuan's baking list

What has to be baked:

Gingerbread people

Yggy Cake

"Gingerbread people? I thought they were gingerbread men?"

"Maybe Yuan's trying to be politically correct?"

Many hours later...

"Zelos? Why do are all your gingerbread girls wearing nothing but bikinis?" the blonde asked in wonder, staring at the tray of cookies Zelos had finished making.

"To save on icing."

"Oh, you're so conservative Zelos!♥"

A little Chibi Sheena robot jumped on the table and slapped Zelos, "TAKE THAT PERVERT!" And ran away.

"That was weird…"

Zelos rubbed his cheek, "Yeah, the author must be out of ideas. And she still has ten chapters…"

Colette picked up the baking list, "What's Yggy cake?"

Zelos picked up a bowl, "It's a play on words, it means fruit cake."

"Fruit? Yggy… Oh! I get it!" The author then realized this joke really wasn't as funny as she's planned it to be… So she'll throw in an extra one! Did you here about the boy who was named after his father? They called him Dad! Ok, that made the Yggy cake joke seem so much more entertaining. Excuse me while I go bang my head on my desk…

"Do you hear that?"

"What?"

"Sounds like the authors head hitting wood repeatedly."

The two proceeded to make the Yggy cake, but they had already used most of the ingredients to make the sugar cookies! So they replaced flour with wheat germ, sugar with crushed garlic and fruit with the candy corn that's still in my locker from Halloween. Thus making a disgusting and utterly gross cake.

"Zelos, this tastes awful."

"I know. Yuan will never make us cook again!"

"Oh!" Colette started on the huge pile of dishes, "I hear that noise again."

"Noise?"

"The head hitting wood noise." Oh my god, that could be taken so very wrong. Like, eww.

"Just ignore it."

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((Ok, I wanted to write more but I ran out of ideas, AND I want to get more done before Christmas. Or at least, Ukrainian Christmas (January), I'll have it done by Chinese Christmas for sure! This chapter was very unfunny, I'm sorry. The next one will probably be worse, but the 4th one will ROCK! I'll go start on them right now, ok? REVIEW! Here's your reading presents! –hands out Yggy cakes-)) 


	3. Three Gender Switches

((A/N: Yeah! I actually made it to three without dieing! Insert loud applause. So anyway, I hope you're enjoying the twelve days so far! I know Yuan isn't. Thanks for any reviews! I love you all, in an author to reader non sexual way!

This chapter is my G-Switch cameo chapter. (Check out the fic, it's no where near finished, but I PROMISE I'm working on it!) So random G-Switch characters might pop in and such!))

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It was the third day of what Colette had named 'The Happy Time We Spend Together So We Can Be Happy, Oh So Happy! And Pretty And Witty And…. Gay!' Yuan's staff all returned on the promise of free hand soap and Zelos was banned from the kitchen after Regal chocked on the Yggy cake and died. Luckily Raine, being paranoid, kept a Life Bottle on her at all times. Thus she saved the convict and made Genis destroy the horrid cake. Well, try to. Turns out that candy corn, garlic and wheat germ makes a mixture that's practically indestructible. It's fire proof, water proof, lightning proof, ice proof, light proof, dark proof, earth proof, wind proof, doubles as a poncho, has twenty-three different kitchen uses and is ONLY $99.99 if you CALL RIGHT NOW!

_**On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, **_

_**Three Gender Switches, **_

_**Two Ditzy Chosen's,**_

_**And a Renegade in a Palm Tree.** _

"You know what? I have the sudden urge to go surfing," Colette stated, looking up from a book that must have been stolen from Yuan's personal stash, seeing as the title was 'Deck the Halls' (thanks to my little brother for the name!) and had a man dressed as Santa entangled passionately with a barely dressed elf like woman.

Raine sighed, looking up from her Christmas knitting, seeing as she had abandoned all hope of reading after the storage room bit, "I hate to tell you, but we're in the coldest part of the world right now."

Kratos sipped on his wine. Not that I see him as a hard core wine-o. I just figured he's, you know, sophisticated enough to look cool drinking it. Not that drinking is cool or anything. I mean, um… he's four thousand years old, he needs some alcohol. Actually, he needs some hard liquor. Let me restart this paragraph.

Kratos sipped on his scotch. Is scotch hard liquor? I don't really drink enough to know. It sounds hard enough for this fic. He sighed, "Plus I doubt anyone around here has a spare board for you."

As if to spite Kratos or something, in walked Cole, Colette's G-Switch counterpart, "I've got a board!"

"And just who the hell are you?" Kratos asked with a frown.

Somewhere in one of the many storage rooms Yuan's yell was heard, "That's my line you stupid purple jerk!"

Of course, our favorite blue angel was largely ignored, since, well, no one cared.

This was followed by an awkward silence, since everyone had forgotten their lines.

Kratos coughed, "As I said, who are you?"

Colette wasn't even paying attention anymore, seeing as she'd kidnapped Kratos' I-Pod, "Kratos, you have some really girly music on here."

Oerojrehoghrepigherigghifuhgrauhgiregjiorehgohuhnrepin;gurfhnr;iregnryp;0oiHERW7EUHFN;OURAGUOhweguwheughrigh

The above is an example of the author taking her frustration out on her laptop.

Kratos grabbed his I-Pod back, "No I don't! You're the girly one!" He ran away sobbing to the storage closet.

I don't want to go to math… Oh sorry, I was typing on my lunch break!

The whole room blinked, and Cole coughed, "Umm, I forgot my line."

"You're supposed to say: I'm Cole, from G-Switch. I am a dumb blonde." Genis whispered from back stage, err, the other room.

"Ok! I'm Cole, from G-Switch! I am a dumb blonde!"

Raine sighed again and Zelos walked into the room, "What's G-Switch?"

"Umm… Line?" Cole replied, looked backstage; err, into the other room for Genis' help.

But instead Gina walked in, dragging her white haired male counterpart by the ear, "I'm the female version of you dumbass! How dare you hit on me?"

Genis, who must have been in SERIOUS pain, (I mean, for a girl who reads Cosmo and Shonen Jump all day, Gina is one powerful chick) squealed, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't murder me!"

"Guys!" The red haired ex-chosen smiled, putting his arm around Gina, "This is the holiday season! It's time for peace on earth and good will to all men!"

"And women!" Colette added.

"And women!" Zelos said, correcting himself.

"And elves," Raine pointed out.

"Good will to all men, women and elves."

"And half elves."

"Men, women, elves and half elves."

"What about humans?"

"Ok, Men, women, elves, half elves, and humans."

"Don't forget the members of the gay and lesbian community!" Yuan said, poking his head.

"Ok, men, women, elves-"

"And Summons Spirits too!" Sheena said, as she ran through chasing Slyth.

"Men, women-"

"Hey, you're not including blondes!"

"I GIVE UP!" Zelos screamed, running away sobbing to a storage closet, since that seemed to be the popular thing to do.

"I forgot my lines again." Cole said randomly.

Raine scratched her head, "You still haven't answered the question of what the hell G-Switch is?"

"Oh yeah!" He turned to Gina, "What is it again."

Gina, the walking dictionary, sighed, "G-Switch is a fanfic by brandy mallory. It's the basic storyline of Tales of Symphonia, except she gender switched all the characters, turning Lloyd into a makeup obsessed freak, Colette into a dumb blonde surfer, Kratos into a traveling hairstylist, Raine into an abusive old man, Sheena into a gothic ninja and Yuan into a makeup forgetting angel."

"And what about me?" Genis asked, still squirming to get out of Gina's grip.

"You become cooler and oh so beautiful!"

"Oh, I umm, see?"

"Good boy."

There was an awkward silence.

A very long and pointless the-author-can't-remember-what-happens-next silence.

Yes indeed.

"AHHHH!" Linda fell in through the ceiling, landing in a pile of dust and rumble.

"Let me guess," Raine said, glancing up from her book for what seemed like the thousandth time this fic, "That's Lloyd?"

"Yuppers." Gina said with a sigh. People tend to sigh a lot around here, maybe it's just the way I write?

Linda, the girl who'd just made a rather big hole in Yuan's ceiling, stood and dusted herself off, "Has anyone seen my lip gloss?"

Everyone in the room slapped their selves on the forehead.

"That is totally not like Lloyd!" Colette said, sticking up for the boy.

Lloyd ran in, "Has anyone seen my lip gloss?"

"Never mind."

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((And that's chapter three! Sorry for the wait! This has been posted x-mas eve so thank you for spending time away from your family and loved ones to read this piece of shit I threw together! Happy Holidays everyone! I love you all!)) 


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